What makes you say that?

“Why?” is a question which has been widely touted as the main question you need to ask to get to “the underlying truth”. It’s one of the 5 Ws, and the core of the 5 whys.

It’s also a question I try to avoid. I use an alternative form, which is “What makes you say that?”. I find offers several benefits:

• “Why?” is interrogative, and asking it multiple times in a row can provoke a defensive reaction.
• “Why?” can feel like you’re questioning the other person’s judgement
• “Why?” can lead to a dead end (especially if you’re asking someone with more positional power), because that person can answer with some form of “Because I say so.” and end the conversation.

The combination of the last two reveals the power of “What makes you say that?”. This is a question of curiosity, and objectively asks the other person to explain their viewpoint. I’ve seen it lead to counterparts actively challenge their previous decisions and viewpoints, and I’ve also seen where this question has led to de-escalated discussion (and “Why?” would certainly have led to conflict).

Try it.